My inspiration to write interracial romances came from the men in my life. While I’m getting to know a date as a potential partner, I’m discovering something about myself in the process. We both end up influencing each other. While some men have left a lasting impression, only one man managed to penetrate me deep into my soul. This rare moment impacted me for life and happened to be an interracial fling.
Then we have pop-culture depictions of all kinds. Growing up, interracial relationships were still somewhat taboo due to cultural and generational paradigms. With intercultural relationships, there is another set of working through differences. Take a small town country boy who meets a big city girl. Their journey is about working through differences to make it work; hence, they get their happily ever after.
The book marketplace lacked authenticity or representation. Minorities were an afterthought. Though romances are meant to be guilty pleasure reading, shouldn’t there be some effort into capturing authentic experiences and avoiding problematic representation issues? The solution is to avoid lazy characterization. That’s usually when issues happen. Beta readers are a valuable source for writers. Get lost in your character as you write. Your readers will then fall in love with your characters. I’m excited to live today when I’m seeing an increase in diversity and wide representation in stories whether through books or movies. I want to be part of it by writing interracial romances.
First Experiences are the most memorable.
Teenage Romance. My family and I moved from Dubai to a predominantly white suburb in Oregon. Why didn’t my parents pick a cosmopolitan city? Being caught between two cultures was challenging. In India, dating as a teenager was discouraged while American dating culture was a new concept with its own set of unspoken rules that didn’t make sense. My parents freaked out when they saw pop-culture depictions; they equated dating with promiscuity. I believe teenagers shouldn’t be pressured to date if they aren’t ready. Fortunately, I didn’t feel that pressure as I had supportive friends who were both Americans and Indians. I could focus on my classes, school activities, and friendships instead of obsessing mindlessly about boys. Some girls are boy crazy as if their entire existence is about having boyfriends.
I still experienced feelings. My father tended to panic, while my mother had a matter-of-fact tone.
My sister and I would giggle about crushes, which made my dad uncomfortable. He once told us, “Stay away from American boys.”
Confused, I asked, “Dad, why?”
“They don’t respect women. They are no good. It’s their culture,” he replied.
I didn’t take him seriously because I saw his tendency to be dramatic about everything and his hypocrisy regarding his attitudes towards women.
I carried on. Then, I met Kyle*, a senior on my track team who caught my attention. He was quiet but would open up once he felt comfortable. I, on the other hand, was outgoing. One evening at Kyle’s house with friends, I sat on his lap while we watched movies. His parents walked in. I felt self-conscious when they looked at me, but they were friendly.
Kyle told me that his parents had many questions about me and whether my family would be okay with me dating a white guy. Kyle was truly a genuine guy. I didn’t feel pressured into anything. He was a friend with whom I could share common interests, confide in, and engage in innocent physical affection.
We enjoyed our time together, and I wanted him to be my first. He made sure I was sure about it and promised to be gentle, prioritizing my pleasure over any pain. I was uncertain about what to expect, but I decided to let him take the lead.
As a side note, here’s my advice to Dads: Please avoid the “no guy better be near my daughter. I’ll have my shotgun ready” mindset. Your fatherly desire to protect is normal. Good intentions can encourage the opposite. She’ll resent you for treating her like she’s incapable and will want to prove you wrong. Try having honest conversations about consent and making good choices. This day and age, you do not want a naive girl. You want a girl who can stand up for herself. That’d reflect on your good parenting, and there’ll be less stress. Of course, you’d always back her up.
Things got heated between us. The skin on skin feeling helped me overcome any self-conscious until Kyle spread my legs and moved downwards. OMG, what will he think? I squirmed, excited in anticipation.
Our intimate moment was interrupted when Kyle’s mother arrived downstairs, calling for his help with something heavy.
We quickly got dressed. I snuck out and went home. As teenage romances often do, ours ended after six months because my parents found out and pressured me to break up. Although my parents were more liberal compared to other Indian parents, they didn’t want me to have a boyfriend until I was in my 20s. Despite the breakup, I still remember him vividly, especially his letterman jacket and square glasses. I felt accepted by him. He was curious about my cultural background, and we explored it together by watching Bollywood movies and dining at Indian restaurants, even though we sometimes received disapproving looks from older Indian strangers. I enjoyed hearing his perspective and learning about how things really are in America. He explained a few things I didn’t understand, like football. Our fling was based on friendship and the ability to be ourselves with each other.
Today as a “Desi aunty” I walked into a IHOP restaurant with my young child. A few teens were waiting for their table. One Indian teenager held hands with a boy. After seeing me, she instantly pulled away. I resisted from bursting out laughing. I don’t know this kid and I’m not going to tell her parents.
My first hookup was in college with a German exchange student named Karl*. It all started when a friend introduced us. Karl seemed shy and reserved, which made it difficult for me to gauge his interest in me. I couldn’t understand why my friend had set us up in the first place. The situation became even more confusing when she told me that Karl couldn’t stop talking about me.
I later learned that in German culture, it’s considered rude for a man to approach a woman unless she shows interest first. In this ritualistic dance, the woman makes the initial move by expressing interest and the man pursues her afterwards.
Armed with this knowledge, I decided to take matters into my own hands.
I approached Karl and started flirting. This eventually led to a dinner date and, well, waking up in his bed the following morning. When I confessed to him that he was my first experience, he found it hard to believe. With Karl, I felt empowered to boldly go after what I wanted. I embraced the idea of being sexually adventurous and rejected society’s obsession with labeling women as “good” or “bad” based on their sexual choices. I had enough of slut-shaming, and wanted to live life on my own terms.
Both my first experiences happened to be interracial. That’s when I realized we all desire the same things. I grew up in the international, cosmopolitan city of Dubai where I lived with people of all backgrounds. I’ve visited and lived in other urban jungles around the world. Differences in culture, customs, and perspectives make life interesting. Despite differences, human nature is universal.
Pop-culture depictions. Interracial marriage has been taboo in the past. That taboo nature inspires pop-culture. The first movie that I saw depicting interracial love was Mira Nair’s Mississippi Masala (1991).
“Sarita Choudhury and Denzel Washington star in Mira Nair’s bighearted romance, which tackles complicated issues of colorism and culture clash.
The vibrant cultures of India, Uganda, and the American South come together in Mira Nair’s Mississippi Masala, a luminous look at the complexities of love in the modern melting pot.
Years after her Indian family was forced to flee their home in Uganda by the dictatorship of Idi Amin, twentysomething Mina (Sarita Choudhury) spends her days cleaning rooms in an Indian-run motel in Mississippi. When she falls for the charming Black carpet cleaner Demetrius (Denzel Washington), their passionate romance challenges the prejudices of both of their families and exposes the rifts between the region’s Indian and African American communities.
Tackling thorny issues of racism, colorism, culture clash, and displacement with bighearted humor and keen insight, Nair serves up a sweet, sexy, and deeply satisfying celebration of love’s power.”
Who can resist Denzel? Pop Sugar has a gallery of younger Denzel in a suit and shirtless. Enjoy! He still looks dashing as he’s close to hitting his 70s.
This movie highlights racial tensions and postcolonial realities where Indians still judge the status of a person by skin color. Prejudice exists in India towards Black individuals. I noticed this around me and couldn’t understand why someone couldn’t like a decent person. The film inspires me even today.
We all need to escape into a story with happy endings. That’s why I opted for interracial romance over another genre.
* names have been changed to protect privacy
Rani Mohan 